Through the years of having this blog, I've been pretty vocal about several aspects of living and working in China and for a non-profit organization. I've often shared about the kids, advocating for their adoptions, about our therapy program, and about God's goodness to me and us. ALL of which are true. There's no recanting any of those statements but there's so much more. I originally starting writing this blog to share with family, friends and supporters back in the U.S. about life and work here - but there's always been a part of me that has somewhat cushioned the realities so that it's more relatable. I don't feel that's necessary anymore. I'm sharing the rawness and realness of life.A while back I came across an article on WeChat (the main method of communication and social media here) that was titled, "Ten Things That Your Missionary Will Not Tell You". This article was thoughtfully written by a man, husband, and father of 11 children who has been faithfully serving in South America for over 30 years. His words have resonated with me. As I made my way through the article, not once but 4 times, for almost every 'thing' I said to myself, "SO True!" or "yeah, I identify with that". So what are they? Here's my raw adaptation and additions to Joe Holman's words.
Before we get into these 10+ truths about life in missions, as Holman did, I too, have a few disclaimers: 1. I LOVE what I do and that I have been called to do this work. Despite some of the emotions, hardships, and realities of a life in missions - I wouldn't have it any other way, as it's well worth it. 2. These are my feelings, perceptions and emotions. I'm not stating that these are fact for every person in missions - just speaking for me.
1. "Sometimes, most of the time, living in another culture is hard."
It's. SO. HARD. Worth it - but very hard. Yes, there are the common things like language, culture, spiritual barriers, but also it's a daily challenge. Living in the US is easy - it may not feel like it always, but it really is! When you live and serve overseas you start to miss the small things about being home like family, friends, clothing that fits your size and style, over the counter medicines, basic health care, good donuts and pickles- like good Claussen dill pickles! Also sometimes the culture has it's own way of doing things and adapting can be a challenge, even after 4+ years. It's easy to get frustrated with little things like traffic, public toilets (squatties), people starring or taking your photo because you're a foreigner, people talking about you in front of your face thinking that you don't understand, visa requirements, labor laws, and chalking everything up to the "It's China!" excuse. Life in in general is challenging, but life here is hard. Worth it, but hard.
It's. SO. HARD. Worth it - but very hard. Yes, there are the common things like language, culture, spiritual barriers, but also it's a daily challenge. Living in the US is easy - it may not feel like it always, but it really is! When you live and serve overseas you start to miss the small things about being home like family, friends, clothing that fits your size and style, over the counter medicines, basic health care, good donuts and pickles- like good Claussen dill pickles! Also sometimes the culture has it's own way of doing things and adapting can be a challenge, even after 4+ years. It's easy to get frustrated with little things like traffic, public toilets (squatties), people starring or taking your photo because you're a foreigner, people talking about you in front of your face thinking that you don't understand, visa requirements, labor laws, and chalking everything up to the "It's China!" excuse. Life in in general is challenging, but life here is hard. Worth it, but hard.
2. "It is lonely and your friends and family from the States have forgotten you".
While my feels are not that my family and friends have forgotten me, but it does get lonely - quite lonely infact. We have a unique situation here at SFCV in that we have a small community and fellowship of expats that we live and work with - yet this is still true. Finding lasting friendship, real relationship and fellowship is hard when you're in country. So many people tell me that they're "only a FaceTime call away"....but you're not here. We can't go for coffee or dinner. We can't have a movie night and I can't be at the family birthday party. It's life, but it can be lonely.
While my feels are not that my family and friends have forgotten me, but it does get lonely - quite lonely infact. We have a unique situation here at SFCV in that we have a small community and fellowship of expats that we live and work with - yet this is still true. Finding lasting friendship, real relationship and fellowship is hard when you're in country. So many people tell me that they're "only a FaceTime call away"....but you're not here. We can't go for coffee or dinner. We can't have a movie night and I can't be at the family birthday party. It's life, but it can be lonely.
3. "We are Normal People"
👏🏼YES!👏🏼 We are are normal people who are living out a calling. As 1 Peter 2:21 says, "For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps..." Having lived and worked here for a while, it has begun to eurk me when people come up and tell me how, "amazing it is that you're here - you must be an amazing person, how special!" with an attitude of amazement and "I couldn't do it". Truth time: you could and you would, if you were called to it. We're ALL called to one thing, to serve Him wether that's in suburban America, in high school/ university, your office or place of work, the gypsies in Bulgaria, a school in Uganda, the rainforest in Brazil, or ... a foster home for special needs kids in China. It's all about calling. We've all been called to walk following His example, it's that simple. While His calling is unique to each individual, and it is a special and beautiful thing- please don't tell me that I'm doing something abnormal, because I'm not. This is normal for me - and I LOVE it!
4. "We never have enough money but feel guilty asking for it."
A.M.E.N! While living in a different country/ culture can make your USD go a little further, things still add up. What most people don't realize is that for missionaries have to raise support for everything! I think in general people know the basics: food, housing, transportation....but what about insurance, retirement, taxes? When you raise your own support there is no company to take taxes out of your pay check or to set aside funds into a 401k or to provide health insurance. These are things that are constantly sitting in the backs of our minds, but often times don't know how to change. Raising support is a full-time job, haha! I've often struggled asking new people for support or asking current supporters to increase their support because I know "He's my provision" and while that is 100% true, I still have to ask. It's awkward and I struggle with it, but I know I need to be a good steward and take care of the financial responsibilities I have -- no matter how challenging. SO that being said, I'll use this platform for a little shout out. Did you know that I'm with a missions sending agency? They help me organize my support and donations, amongst other prayer and emotional support. For anyone who reads this and is thinking, "Hey! I could give something to the Lord/ to SFCV/ to furthering Naomi's calling..." Here's my donation info:
www.cten.org/naomi
(all donations ARE tax deductible) you can also select to make this a recurring donation 😉😬.
A.M.E.N! While living in a different country/ culture can make your USD go a little further, things still add up. What most people don't realize is that for missionaries have to raise support for everything! I think in general people know the basics: food, housing, transportation....but what about insurance, retirement, taxes? When you raise your own support there is no company to take taxes out of your pay check or to set aside funds into a 401k or to provide health insurance. These are things that are constantly sitting in the backs of our minds, but often times don't know how to change. Raising support is a full-time job, haha! I've often struggled asking new people for support or asking current supporters to increase their support because I know "He's my provision" and while that is 100% true, I still have to ask. It's awkward and I struggle with it, but I know I need to be a good steward and take care of the financial responsibilities I have -- no matter how challenging. SO that being said, I'll use this platform for a little shout out. Did you know that I'm with a missions sending agency? They help me organize my support and donations, amongst other prayer and emotional support. For anyone who reads this and is thinking, "Hey! I could give something to the Lord/ to SFCV/ to furthering Naomi's calling..." Here's my donation info:
www.cten.org/naomi
(all donations ARE tax deductible) you can also select to make this a recurring donation 😉😬.
5. "We feel like our children are getting shortchanged by our choice."
While I don't have kids, I know others who do and it's true. Think about the challenges of raising your own kids (or how you grew up) and now picture doing that without all the language skills, without all the resources for education or socialization, different housing/ food, etc. Raising kids is hard, raising kids in a foreign country is harder.
While I don't have kids, I know others who do and it's true. Think about the challenges of raising your own kids (or how you grew up) and now picture doing that without all the language skills, without all the resources for education or socialization, different housing/ food, etc. Raising kids is hard, raising kids in a foreign country is harder.
6. "I took a great vacation but cannot tell anyone."
I've learned to kinda get over this one, but for many years it was very applicable. I know a lot of people serving here who have sponsors that provide financial support and struggle with this because they fear that "if it looks like we're having too much fun, people will pull their support". Sadly, in some instances - this is true. But I think the majority of supporters want their missionaries or people they support to be able to do the work God has called them to do; and like everyone else on the planet - we need vacations! It's part of our work. We work hard and at times, we need to rest, refresh and refuel.
7. "We hate being judged by a standard that our judges do not follow."
This one. Yes. I mostly experience it with therapy and money related things. I've had to sit through so many meetings with people who judge how our therapy program is running or has been run, people who think they know better ways to run the program and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve...when they've not once experienced our program or how we do things. I truly am open to ideas and constructive criticisms, but until you've taken over and built a therapy program that had limited resources into something that is now quite successful - maybe hold the judgment. There is always room for improvement, yes and we want to improve, but change isn't always easy and cultural adaptions have to be made. I've gotten this kind of judgement a lot in finances too, "Are you sure you NEED that?" or "You're really spending money on that?" Again, I understand that money is a sensitive subject and at times it can be hard for people (sponsors) to give their hard earn- dollars to missions/ missionaries. One thing I heard from a former missionary years ago that has stuck with me was this: when donors, sponsors, churches, etc. donate money to an organization or missionary for them to further their ministry - they're really giving it to God and THROUGH Him and His calling, said missionary will be using the funds. This concept really changed the way I see sponsors. They give their tithes and offerings to God by-way of me and what the Lord has called me to do. It's serious. But it's also helped me to not succumb to the pressures or judgments that some offer in regards to how I use what God has given me.
This one. Yes. I mostly experience it with therapy and money related things. I've had to sit through so many meetings with people who judge how our therapy program is running or has been run, people who think they know better ways to run the program and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how I can improve...when they've not once experienced our program or how we do things. I truly am open to ideas and constructive criticisms, but until you've taken over and built a therapy program that had limited resources into something that is now quite successful - maybe hold the judgment. There is always room for improvement, yes and we want to improve, but change isn't always easy and cultural adaptions have to be made. I've gotten this kind of judgement a lot in finances too, "Are you sure you NEED that?" or "You're really spending money on that?" Again, I understand that money is a sensitive subject and at times it can be hard for people (sponsors) to give their hard earn- dollars to missions/ missionaries. One thing I heard from a former missionary years ago that has stuck with me was this: when donors, sponsors, churches, etc. donate money to an organization or missionary for them to further their ministry - they're really giving it to God and THROUGH Him and His calling, said missionary will be using the funds. This concept really changed the way I see sponsors. They give their tithes and offerings to God by-way of me and what the Lord has called me to do. It's serious. But it's also helped me to not succumb to the pressures or judgments that some offer in regards to how I use what God has given me.
8. "Saying good-bye stinks...and it is not the same in the States."
The more you live overseas the more traumatizing Goodbyes become, even for adults. For example: this past January I was in Chicago, I spent my final morning with my family having our traditional family breakfast. Super loud and crazy with lots of food, kids and conversations, but oh so good. The time had come for me to head for the airport. As each little niece and nephew came to hug and kiss their Auntie Nai more and more tears swelled in my eyes. It's not just "goodbye see you soon! Talk to you on FaceTime!"...even though I will. It's "Let me squeeze and kiss you one more time because you will be months older the next time I hold you. You'll have had a birthday and done things that I wish I could be here for. You'll have grown up - and I'll have miss it."...and that's just with the kids. Not to mention my parents, my siblings and my friends. Every hug is hard, every conversation and "see you next time...when will next time be?", all challenging. It's hard to say goodbye, it breaks my heart. every. stinking. time. but going home [to China] is where I belong.
9. "Going to the States is Hard."
⬆️That sentence could not be more true. Often times going back home to the USA for furlough or vacation is more work than rest. In my experience, it's always amazing to go home, but SO hard emotionally. Family and Friends reading this, please know, I love you! I cherish our times in the USA together and in no way am I negating that. But please note: It's challenging to be around people who don't or can't always relate to what your life is like (even if they want to and you want them to). It's hard to be in a country/ culture that's so familiar but vastly different from where you actually live. Adjusting to life I the USA is hard. Just imagine if you had to come here and adjust. So here's a few tips from me to you:
We struggle coming home to the States, despite our excitement. Be gracious, be patient, and be understanding. Our view of home [in the US] is SO different now than when we left. Know that when we're in the U.S., it's home but not home. Know that the USA is considerably more expensive than the rest of the world (China for sure), so consider that when making plans. Know that Jet lag is real. We're tired from work and ministry, and we're tired from flying/ traveling. Know that we want to spend and invest time with you, but also we have other family and friends that want to see us and us them. Know that every time we talk about our ministry it makes us miss it a little more, so don't be shocked if we're a bit homesick. Know that when we come back to the U.S. for what seems like vacation to you, we're still working and we're still trying to raise support. Overall, just be mindful that while we're happy to be home, we're tired and we need refreshment. Help us find an oasis in a desert.
⬆️That sentence could not be more true. Often times going back home to the USA for furlough or vacation is more work than rest. In my experience, it's always amazing to go home, but SO hard emotionally. Family and Friends reading this, please know, I love you! I cherish our times in the USA together and in no way am I negating that. But please note: It's challenging to be around people who don't or can't always relate to what your life is like (even if they want to and you want them to). It's hard to be in a country/ culture that's so familiar but vastly different from where you actually live. Adjusting to life I the USA is hard. Just imagine if you had to come here and adjust. So here's a few tips from me to you:
We struggle coming home to the States, despite our excitement. Be gracious, be patient, and be understanding. Our view of home [in the US] is SO different now than when we left. Know that when we're in the U.S., it's home but not home. Know that the USA is considerably more expensive than the rest of the world (China for sure), so consider that when making plans. Know that Jet lag is real. We're tired from work and ministry, and we're tired from flying/ traveling. Know that we want to spend and invest time with you, but also we have other family and friends that want to see us and us them. Know that every time we talk about our ministry it makes us miss it a little more, so don't be shocked if we're a bit homesick. Know that when we come back to the U.S. for what seems like vacation to you, we're still working and we're still trying to raise support. Overall, just be mindful that while we're happy to be home, we're tired and we need refreshment. Help us find an oasis in a desert.
10. "I constantly feel like I have to prove myself to you."
Yes and no. This is one I've worked hard to overcome. I don't feel like I need to prove to people why I'm here or why I choose to stay year after year, but sometimes I do. It comes up more with family whose heart is to see you happy and successful but sometimes that pressure is too much. And we have to prove to you that we can do this, that we love to do this, and that we are called to do this.
And lastly here's my added bonus:
11. Communication is hard.
It's not something I'm proud of, but I've gone weeks without talking to friends, family and supporters back home. Why? Not because I don't want to talk but because life, ministry, etc. is busy. Like others living and working in the States and the west, we get tied up in life. It's not an excuse but a reality. For example: this blog. It's been sitting in my draft box for 3 weeks. I love writing, and love writing blog posts, but life happens and I can't always get to it. Same reason that pile of items to donate to Goodwill is probably still in your car 😳😏. Life happens and that's okay! So please be gracious, we really want to keep you up to date on what's happening and what He's doing in and through us and our work and we will when there's a minute to type it out -promise! Also know that communication is a two-way street. If you don't hear from me/us/ your missionary, please contact me again! FaceTime, text, wechat, email, Skype, facebook, instagram....whatever. Reach out. Like you, we sometimes get weighted down by what's happening in our little world and getting a text/ call/ email from someone changes that or helps unlock new things. I'm pretty good at responding (pretty good - not excellent so calm down 😂) so shoot me a message and lets connect, ask me questions, tell me what you want to hear! Another note for thought: Us updating you on our life in a foreign country is challenging because we don't always see our life as different. So keeping up a blog or sending an update email sometimes seems silly in some weeks/ months. It's like emailing your friend about what groceries you bought this week. While you might have found a great deal on carrots....is that really super interesting? 🤷🏻♀️ Just my option.
In summary: missions and living overseas is a challenge but OH, SO WORTH IT!
Yes and no. This is one I've worked hard to overcome. I don't feel like I need to prove to people why I'm here or why I choose to stay year after year, but sometimes I do. It comes up more with family whose heart is to see you happy and successful but sometimes that pressure is too much. And we have to prove to you that we can do this, that we love to do this, and that we are called to do this.
And lastly here's my added bonus:
11. Communication is hard.
It's not something I'm proud of, but I've gone weeks without talking to friends, family and supporters back home. Why? Not because I don't want to talk but because life, ministry, etc. is busy. Like others living and working in the States and the west, we get tied up in life. It's not an excuse but a reality. For example: this blog. It's been sitting in my draft box for 3 weeks. I love writing, and love writing blog posts, but life happens and I can't always get to it. Same reason that pile of items to donate to Goodwill is probably still in your car 😳😏. Life happens and that's okay! So please be gracious, we really want to keep you up to date on what's happening and what He's doing in and through us and our work and we will when there's a minute to type it out -promise! Also know that communication is a two-way street. If you don't hear from me/us/ your missionary, please contact me again! FaceTime, text, wechat, email, Skype, facebook, instagram....whatever. Reach out. Like you, we sometimes get weighted down by what's happening in our little world and getting a text/ call/ email from someone changes that or helps unlock new things. I'm pretty good at responding (pretty good - not excellent so calm down 😂) so shoot me a message and lets connect, ask me questions, tell me what you want to hear! Another note for thought: Us updating you on our life in a foreign country is challenging because we don't always see our life as different. So keeping up a blog or sending an update email sometimes seems silly in some weeks/ months. It's like emailing your friend about what groceries you bought this week. While you might have found a great deal on carrots....is that really super interesting? 🤷🏻♀️ Just my option. In summary: missions and living overseas is a challenge but OH, SO WORTH IT!
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