I often try to reminisce on the things that God has done in my life, good and bad, pain and joy, all that He has done to bring me to this place and time in my life. I have nothing but gratitude for all that He has brought me through. He took a young woman who swore she'd NEVER go to China even to visit and softened her heart to the point where she now sees China as her HOME! He's so good.
If you know me or if you've followed this blog for a while then you probably know my story {If not you can look it up ;) }...you know that I was this "average" young woman, who wanted nothing to do with Christianity or faith; who wanted to live her life according to her own rules; who only pretended to care about the interests of others, all the while thinking only of herself; I though I had it all, just the way I wanted it. If you were to have asked me back then, if I was happy, of course, I would have told you I was. When in reality I was horribly miserable. Thankfully, our God is a redeemer! He skillfully used these precious orphans here at SFCV to grab my heart and show me my need for him. I'm so grateful for his mercy and his relentless pursuit of my heart.
In my opening thoughts this morning, I couldn't help but think back to youth, all the decisions, choice, attitudes and actions, have led me to today. They've led me to waking up this morning...in China. Ya know, living and serving here is pretty incredible. I know I say it a lot, but I love what I do, who I do it with and where I do it. It's a great work and an amazing place and I'm grateful to be apart of the SFCV family. But, I will say this, life here isn't always sunshine and smiles. Occasionally we all go through those smoggy days where things feel hopeless and the worries of the world weigh you down. I think that's a normal part of life though - it's our reminder to cling to Christ and rest in his plan. Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still". So powerful and fitting for my soul. He fought to have me here, and he's fight still. Such a refreshing reminder for my heart in hard times.
Last week, I had this thought: What if I has said "No" when Kelly asked me to join the Joni & Friends team to SFCV in 2013? What would have happened in my life? Where would I be? It was the Holy Spirits leading that caused me to agree to the trip, but what if I had ignored that? What would my life look like? I don't wonder that longingly, trust me, I'm grateful I made the decision I did, but I can't help but think. What if... I had gone through with my plan to go to the University of Michigan instead of Lewis? What if... I had majored in pre-Physical Therapy (Biology) instead of Athletic Training? What if...I had pursued those unhealthy relationships that I thought were right? What if...I had gotten an Athletic Training position right after graduation? What if...I didn't lose certain people along the way, what if they were still here? What if...I had ignored the calling of the Holy Spirit on my heart to accept Christ when I was 7 years old? What if... I wasn't impacted by our class missionaries in Sunday School? What if... I didn't make some of the decisions or choices that I did, that ended up defining who I am? Where would I be in life? Would there be more or less pain/ joy? It's amazing to think about the way things could have been if the Lord wasn't guiding his powerful hand over my life, even when I didn't want or think He was. I often think about the way things could have been, but I'm grateful that they turned out the way they did. I'm thankful for every decision, life choice and event that has led me to this place, that's led me to waking up this morning and soaking in the beauty of the China sunrise...
Ephesians 2: 1-10, The Message
"1-6 It wasn’t so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn’t know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It’s a wonder God didn’t lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
7-10 Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It’s God’s gift from start to finish! We don’t play the major role. If we did, we’d probably go around bragging that we’d done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing."
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